Whew! At last, our play was over. After all the tiring line memorizations, dress rehearsals, and sermons of our director, it all paid off! Yes, absolutely, it was hard but a whole lot fun mingling with my classmates and course mates. I’ll surely miss the bond we had on our practices, the struggle to memorize and perfect the lines, the laughter we always had, the impatience of each one when one is not around and the discipline our director had entrench on us. So depressing it would end and I can’t imagine how it would be without those practices. The play and the pressure was now a part of my routine, my time, my life and now that it ended, I really don’t know how it would be, how would I be. Now, all I have are memories, stories and pictures that I would surely love to share with you! J
[SPOTLIGHT ON GLORIA 1.]
GLORIA 1: 49, 50, 51 -
[SPOTLIGHT COMES UP ON GLORIA 2.]
GLORIA 1 & 2: (JOINING IN) 52, 53, 54 -
[SPOTLIGHT COMES UP ON GLORIA 3.]
GLORIA 1, 2 & 3: (JOINING IN) 55, 56, 57 -
[SPOTLIGHT COMES UP ON GLORIA 4.]
GLORIA 1, 2, 3 & 4: (JOINING IN) 58, 59, 60!
GLORIA 2: Ta dah!
[THEY ALL LIGHT CIGARETTES, TAKE A LONG DRAG. SIGH.]
GLORIA 1: So this guy at the funeral –
GLORIA 4: Guy is too kind –
GLORIA 2: This jerk –
GLORIA 1: This jerk reckons that I can’t go one minute
GLORIA 4: Without lighting a cigarette.
GLORIA 3: One minute!
GLORIA 2: Ha. Showed him.
GLORIA 1: So time to celebrate …
[THEY ALL TAKE ANOTHER DRAG OF THEIR CIGARETTES. EXHALE. SIGH.]
GLORIA 2: That is one of the great things about –
GLORIA 4: the magic white cylinder.
GLORIA 3: It’s perfect for any occasion.
GLORIA 1: “Talking with friends” –
GLORIA 2: the chat cigarette.
GLORIA 3: “Out with colleagues” –
GLORIA 4: the social cigarette.
GLORIA 2: “Having a few drinks” –
GLORIA 1: the boozy cigarette.
GLORIA 2: “Having a few more drinks” –
GLORIA 3: the boozier cigarette.
GLORIA 1: “Taking a quick break from work” –
GLORIA 4: the sidewalk cigarette.
GLORIA 2: Not “smoko” or “fag break”
GLORIA 3: – sidewalk cigarette.
GLORIA 1: Much more style –
GLORIA 4: which is what cigarettes are all about –
GLORIA 1: S –
GLORIA 2: t –
GLORIA 3: y –
GLORIA 1: l –
GLORIA 4: e.
GLORIA 1: “What a great meal. I’m stuffed” –
GLORIA 4: the apres dinner cigarette.
GLORIA 3: Cigarettes always taste better after an excellent dinner –
GLORIA 2: That is if it’s possible for cigarettes to taste better than they already do.
GLORIA 3: “Nothing happening”
GLORIA 1: – the bored cigarette.
GLORIA 2: “Impressing the new man” –
GLORIA 4: the looking cool cigarette.
GLORIA 3: “Breaking up with the new man” –
GLORIA 1: the broken hearted cigarette.
GLORIA 4: “Out for a country drive”
GLORIA 3: – the cruise cigarette.
GLORIA 2: “Pack of Holiday Slims thanks.”
GLORIA 1: The cheap cigarette.
GLORIA 3: “I love you, you’re my best friend”
GLORIA 4: – the shared cigarette.
GLORIA 1: “I’m broke and this is my last one” –
GLORIA 2: the definitely not shared cigarette.
GLORIA 4: “Relaxing in the pergola” –
GLORIA 1: the out door cigarette.
GLORIA 3: Isn’t it interesting how many times smoking is linked with relaxing here ?
GLORIA 2: “My parents don’t know I smoke”
GLORIA 1: – the illicit cigarette.
GLORIA 4: “On a yacht” –
GLORIA 3: the wind and waves cigarette.
GLORIA 4: “On a plane” –
GLORIA 1: the dangerous cigarette.
GLORIA 4: “In a petrol station” –
GLORIA 2: the very dangerous cigarette.
GLORIA 4: I don’t like the term
GLORIA 2: fag,
GLORIA 3: ciggie,
GLORIA 1: smoke. I prefer to call them by their full name –
GLORIA 3: Derived from the fact that it is a smaller version of its antecedent –
GLORIA 2: Anti – who?
GLORIA 3: Cedent.
GLORIA 4: Ancestor.
GLORIA 2: Which was?
GLORIA 1: The cigar.
GLORIA 4: But whereas cigars are
GLORIA 1: big,
GLORIA 2: heavy
GLORIA 3: awkward.
GLORIA 4: The cigarette is –
GLORIA 1: dainty,
GLORIA 2: elegant,
GLORIA 3: convenient
GLORIA 4: and fits perfectly between my
GLORIA 1: dainty,
GLORIA 2: elegant
GLORIA 3: conveniently-well-shaped-for-holding-a-cigarette
GLORIA 4: fingers.
GLORIA 1: I remember my first cigarette. That moment of –
GLORIA 3: Realisation
GLORIA 4: Inhalation
GLORIA 2: Excitation.
GLORIA 1: An awakening of
GLORIA 4: Spirit
GLORIA 3: Awareness.
GLORIA 2: Lungs
GLORIA 1: An Epiphany. I used to hide around the corner and watch him
GLORIA 2: Standing on the verandah,
GLORIA 3: Leaning in the doorway,
GLORIA 4: Hair slicked back –
GLORIA 1: Dark blue singlet
GLORIA 2: And gripped in his
GLORIA 3: Strong tanned fingers
GLORIA 4: The constant flickering glow.
GLORIA 1: I pinched one of his
GLORIA 2: Kents
GLORIA 3: From the crush top pack
GLORIA 4: on the kitchen table
GLORIA 1: Lit it on the stove
GLORIA 2: And after just one puff –
GLORIA 4: I knew
GLORIA 3: Between coughs
GLORIA 1: I had discovered a secret
GLORIA 3: friend
GLORIA 2: conspirator
GLORIA 4: lover
GLORIA 3: God.
GLORIA 1: You can also just call them by their brand.
GLORIA 4: That is also acceptable,
GLORIA 2: As in?
GLORIA 1: “Hand me a Lucky Strike.”
GLORIA 3: “Care for a Dunhill.”
GLORIA 2: “Got any Camels.”
GLORIA 4: “Would you care to share a Citane?”
GLORIA 1: Which brings us to another of the great attractions of cigarettes.
GLORIA 3: Their international –
GLORIA 2: flavour.
GLORIA 1: Cigarettes from all over the world –
GLORIA 2: many of which I have tried
GLORIA 4: one time or another.
GLORIA 4: English brands –
GLORIA 2: Dunhill,
GLORIA 1: Benson & Hedges,
GLORIA 3: Subtle
GLORIA 2: Smooth
GLORIA 4: Rich
GLORIA 1: And Classic.
GLORIA 3: Parliament –
GLORIA 2: Very classy.
GLORIA 4: Barclay,
GLORIA 3: Bond Street;
GLORIA 1: American Brands –
GLORIA 2: Salem,
GLORIA 3: Winston,
GLORIA 4: L & M,
GLORIA 2: LA Lights,
GLORIA 1: West Coast
GLORIA 3: Mustang Filters
GLORIA 1: East Coast
GLORIA 4: Kool,
GLORIA 2: Kent,
GLORIA 3: The family blend
GLORIA 1: Newport,
GLORIA 4: Winchester.
GLORIA 2: The heavyweights –
GLORIA 3: Philip Morris,
GLORIA 4: Rothmans;
GLORIA 1: Asian Brands –
GLORIA 4: Eve 120's,
GLORIA 2: Djarum Filter.
GLORIA 3: Kim Slims –
GLORIA 2: I love Kim Slims!
GLORIA 1: Mild Seven –
GLORIA 3: Asian cigarettes have the coolest names!
GLORIA 2: Not to mention Rollies.
GLORIA 1: Drum.
GLORIA 3: Champion Ruby.
GLORIA 4: Doctor - Pat. (BEAT) European Brands – Capri, Cartier, Merit, Monte Carlo, Pall Mall – let me know if I forget any here. More -
GLORIA 3: I can’t think of any more.
GLORIA 4: More - as in the brand.
GLORIA 3: Oops.
GLORIA 1: Multifilter –
GLORIA 4: Dull name
GLORIA 2: but not bad,
GLORIA 3: Surprisingly.
GLORIA 4: Vogue Slims, Virginia Slims and one of my personal favourites – Yves Saint Laurent. Picture me in a small corner shop in Paris.
GLORIA 3: At the counter,
GLORIA 1: dressed in white,
GLORIA 2: hat,
GLORIA 3: scarf,
GLORIA 1: sunglasses,
GLORIA 4: Dior from head to toe.
GLORIA 3: To die for.
GLORIA 4: “One packet of Yves Saint Laurent. Merci. ”
GLORIA 1: Which brings me to another of my favourite things – the cigarette fantasy.
GLORIA 2: I’ve got a cigarette fantasy! I smoke ten thousand cigarettes – all at once.
GLORIA 4: Simultaneously?
GLORIA 2: No. One after the other. Now I know that sounds like a lot of cigarettes but actually - look at this.
[GLORIA 2 TAKES OUT A PACKET OF CIGARETTES AND PLACES THEM ON THE FLOOR.]
GLORIA 2: Now that is twenty five cigarettes –
GLORIA 3: A quarter of a century –
GLORIA 2: Not very big is it ? In fact it’s tiny. So you times that by four, you get …
GLORIA 3: one hundred.
GLORIA 2: (INDICATING SIZE WITH HANDS) Still quite small. Times that by 10
GLORIA 3: One thousand.
GLORIA 2: Still not a lot and then by ten again –
GLORIA 3: Ten thousand!
GLORIA 2: By ten!
GLORIA 3: One hundred thousand!
GLORIA 2: By ten!
GLORIA 3: One million cigarettes!
GLORIA 1: In this fantasy I am in the most luxurious palace.
GLORIA 4: Silver and gold
GLORIA 3: Heavy oak furniture,
GLORIA 1: polished marble floors,
GLORIA 2: high ceilings,
GLORIA 4: tall windows,
GLORIA 3: framed portraits.
GLORIA 1: History,
GLORIA 2: majesty,
GLORIA 4: class.
GLORIA 1: This house is not my house –
GLORIA 4: it is the fabled Shrangri-la of cigarette lovers
GLORIA 3: across the globe.
GLORIA 2: The Palace of Cigarettes.
GLORIA 4: Le Palais de Cigarette.
GLORIA 3: Cigarette heaven.
GLORIA 1: Once I enter Le Palais de Cigarette, a butler –
GLORIA 3: very regal,
GLORIA 2: English accent –
GLORIA 3: with a voice that sounds like vintage port meets -
GLORIA 2: Golden syrup.
GLORIA 1: Greets me.
GLORIA 4: “Good evening Ma’m.”
GLORIA 1: He bears an engraved silver tray
GLORIA 3: and on the tray is
GLORIA 2: one lone cigarette
GLORIA 1: and a silver lighter.
GLORIA 3: Silver -
GLORIA 2: Not gold.
GLORIA 1: Stylish -
GLORIA 4: Not ostentatious.
GLORIA 1: Now at first I’m a little less than pleased by this.
GLORIA 2: “One cigarette – is that it ?”
GLORIA 3: But I have no need to worry.
GLORIA 1: I light up my cigarette and he leads me up an ornate staircase
GLORIA 4: “To a hall which opens on to hundreds and hundreds of rooms”
GLORIA 1: The hall seems to go on and on – forever.
GLORIA 2: He leads me towards a door.
GLORIA 4: I knock on the solid heavy timber
GLORIA 3: And in a second the door is opened
GLORIA 1: and I’m confronted by
GLORIA 2: “A cowboy in leather boots and a red check shirt.”
GLORIA 1: He takes me in to the room which is
GLORIA 2: “An old style Wild West Saloon”
GLORIA 1: and sits me down at a battered wooden table.
GLORIA 3: He pours me a shot of –
GLORIA 2: “Makers Mark.”
GLORIA 1: and he pulls out a dusty packet of
GLORIA 4: Marlboro’s
GLORIA 2: “tucked underneath his bootstrap.”
GLORIA 1: He offers me one and lights it
GLORIA 2: “With a wax tipped match.”
GLORIA 1: We sit and drink and smoke and chat about his life and times and then
GLORIA 3: before I know it
GLORIA 1: I’m back in the hall,
GLORIA 2: Butler by my side.
GLORIA 4: “This way Ma’m.”
GLORIA 2: Then I’m knocking on another door and I’m back stage –
GLORIA 4: At the Moulon Rouge
GLORIA 3: Surrounded by hundreds of gorgeous showgirls
GLORIA 2: In the most incredible costumes.
GLORIA 1: We huddle in the corner of their cramped dressing room,
GLORIA 4: Puffing on Gauloises,
GLORIA 3: Giggling
GLORIA 2: And gossiping
GLORIA 4: About the glamour of the stage
GLORIA 1: And the mysterious stranger who always sits at the back table,
GLORIA 3: face half covered in shadow,
GLORIA 2: who is rumoured to be
GLORIA 4: a very wealthy Crown Prince
GLORIA 3: with an eye on one of the showgirls.
GLORIA 1: “Me!”
GLORIA 2: “No me!”
GLORIA 3: “No me!’
GLORIA 4: “No – me.”
GLORIA 1: Now I’m on the set of a
GLORIA 2: Fellini movie
GLORIA 4: with the most beautiful woman of all time –
GLORIA 3: “Claudia Cardinale”
GLORIA 2: In my humble opinion.
GLORIA 1: We’re in her dressing room
GLORIA 3: “Smoking a Zenit Triplo”
GLORIA 1: And I’m trying to console her,
GLORIA 4: “Forget Federico’s wild moods”
GLORIA 2: “Trust in your own gift”
GLORIA 1: “Your pure talent, your – “
GLORIA 3: “Magnificent beauty”.
GLORIA 1: Another room and I’m in
GLORIA 4: “Moscow. The day before the October revolution”
GLORIA 1: Sitting across the table from
GLORIA 4: “Vladimir Ilich Lenin”
GLORIA 1: With a Stolichnye in hand –
GLORIA 4: “The cigarette not the vodka”
GLORIA 1: plotting the Tsar’s downfall.
GLORIA 3: In another room
GLORIA 2: There’s the whole of the Sydney Cricket Ground.
GLORIA 1: I’m in the Aussies dressing room sharing a
GLORIA 2: “Stuyvo with Warnie.”
GLORIA 1: Then Adam Gilchrist says:
GLORIA 3: “Hey, you’re not allowed to smoke in here”
GLORIA 2: “Wuss!”
GLORIA 1: Warnie just laughs and hands me another. Next I’m in a -
GLORIA 4: Tokyo restaurant,
GLORIA 3: Prague café,
GLORIA 2: Munich beer hall,
GLORIA 1: Beijing square,
GLORIA 4: London club.
GLORIA 1: Every room
GLORIA 2: Another destination,
GLORIA 3: Another time,
GLORIA 4: Another magical companion –
GLORIA 1: All linked by our universal passion –
GLORIA 2: the greatest invention of all time –
GLORIA 3: the glue that holds mankind –
GLORIA 4: and womankind
GLORIA 3: together.
GLORIA 1: Le Palais de Cigarette.
GLORIA 2: A living,
GLORIA 3: breathing
GLORIA 4: interactive
GLORIA 1: Smokers museum!
[SILENCE. GLORIA 3 COUGHS. PAUSE. SHE COUGHS AGAIN.]
GLORIA 4: Or should that be Mausoleum?
GLORIA 2: They had a brand of cigarettes called “Death” once didn’t they ?
GLORIA 3: Yeah. It was cool.
GLORIA 1: It was in a black packet with like skull and cross bones.
GLORIA 2: Brilliant!
GLORIA 4: We loved it.
GLORIA 1: Pity the cigarettes inside were so crap.
[THEY ALL NOD IN AGREEMENT.]
GLORIA 2: Death cigarettes. Pretty ironic huh?
[GLORIA 2 LAUGHS. THE OTHERS TURN TO LOOK AT HER. GLORIA 2 STOPS LAUGHING.]
GLORIA 1: Non-smokers think the danger aspect of smoking is a real turn off.
ALL: Wrong !
GLORIA 3: Smokers love the danger.
GLORIA 4: Cheating the grim reaper,
GLORIA 1: They put their pathetic warnings on cigarette boxes,
GLORIA 2: Spend all this money on tacky adds,
GLORIA 3: Offer us nicotine patches,
GLORIA 4: how to quit classes,
GLORIA 1: breakthrough weekends,
GLORIA 2: spiritual healing.
GLORIA 3: Wrong!
GLORIA 4: Wrong!
GLORIA 1: Wrong! Don’t you understand if we wanted to stop smoking we would.
GLORIA 2: I will give up.
GLORIA 3: Just not today.
GLORIA 4: Like that poet once said: Those something somethings –
GLORIA 3: “half in love with easeful death”.
GLORIA 2: He was talking about smokers
GLORIA 4: Because we recognise that in the end life is
GLORIA 2: Fleeting,
GLORIA 3: transient,
GLORIA 1: momentary
GLORIA 4: and trying to hold on to it is like
GLORIA 3: trying to catch smoke
GLORIA 4: in the palm of your hand.
GLORIA 1: Or maybe we just like smoking too much to give a damn.
[GLORIA 3 COUGHS AGAIN. THEY ALL TURN TO LOOK AT HER.]
GLORIA 3: Sorry.
GLORIA 2: I think they should start up a Cigarette smokers Hall of Fame.
GLORIA 1: Entry only available for those who have smoked
GLORIA 2: 1,000,000 cigarettes.
[GLORIA 4 COUGHS. THEY ALL TURN TO LOOK AT HER.]
GLORIA 4: So
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most
beautiful thing on this earth
11.How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13. The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says 'lets not fight anymore' even though you know that an hour later....
16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say 'I love you'
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it!)
23. The way they say 'I miss you'
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore...
Here are some gestures to get the real meaning behind your partner’s motions:
1. Kiss on the hand - I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek - I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck - I want you
4. Kiss on the lips - I love you
5. Kiss on the ears - I am just playing
6. Kiss anywhere else - let’s not get carried away
7.Look in your eyes - kiss me
8.Playing with your hair - I can't live without you
9.Hand on your waist - I love you too much to let you go
I never didn't believe in love. I never went out on that limb which said love didn't exist. I sometimes said that love didn't want me, or that I was not meant for love. But I believe in the idea of love, and the validity of romance. I believe in impossible love, I believe in things like love at first sight, and impermanent love, and falling in love with strangers. i see love as a naked thing, pliable and soft, without rules or constants. Love is a shape shifter. Love is a practical joker. Love is a rattlesnake. Love is a Japanese lantern.
I have seen love happen in seconds.
I have seen love evolve over years.
I have seen love go away without reason or explanation. One day, it was just gone.
Falling out of love was stranger than falling in love. 'if you love something, let it go,' they say. What if it doesn't want to be let go of? What if it wants to be fought for? What if it wants to be asked to stay? What if it is just leaving in order to see if you'll stop it from disappearing?
if you love something, let it sleep in. if you love something, tell it that it is pretty when it is not. if you love something, bring it dandelions. if you love something, sing it a song. even if you can't sing.
i don't talk about love much. I've slept in it's bed. i talk about lovers like they were fiction. i talk about people like they were paintings. i sacrificed love for ambition. i sacrificed people for art. i sacrificed courtship for conquest.
i sleep alone these days. Because I have a meeting in the morning and a book i haven't finished writing. Because i belly dance when no one is around. because there are things i want to read. Because spending more and more time alone seems appropriate. [i didn't want to be let go of.] i sleep alone these days. Love stood me up. Art didn't.
i sacrificed love for art. i couldn't decide which was the more noble choice.
i don't talk about love much. not because I’m bitter. Not because I’m disenchanted. i still think it is beautiful. i still believe it exists. Sometimes i think it is more tangible than i am. humanity glows around me. hope is a golden ball. Pandora allowed us the ability to feel everything. it is what it it should be. it is what it is. i never resented those moments where i realized i simply didn't love someone anymore. i didn't let those moments imply that i had never loved them at all. i understood that those people, those places, those late nights would always be sacred.
and i always understood when someone simply didn't love me anymore. and i kept walking.
out of love, i've kept quiet, i've been uncomfortable, [i stayed in goddamn Wisconsin!], i've been angry, i've been hurt and kept it secret, i've been irrational, i've been kind. i never looked back and resented being cold, or tired, or hungry, or secretly injured. i wasn't a martyr. i was just a woman. i wasn't an angel. i was just a woman. love will do what it wants to. you will do what love wants you to do.
if a man broke my heart, it meant i had loved him the best i could. i had been impacted. i had been affected. i was human. i had been brave.
if it hurt that much, at one point it must have been really, really good.
i don't talk about love much. i don't need to. i forgave it for what it did. i forgave it for what it didn't do. i write about it openly, but i do not admit to writing about it. i am slightly uncomfortable every time it is mentioned. i allow it into my poetry and into my journal entries, but i will not speak of it. i'm sure it doesn't mention me either. love and i, we coexist tolerably. if love wants me, it is going to have to break into my building, kick in the door, shake me by the shoulders, and demand eye contact. if love wants me, it is going to have to fight me. it is going to have to wrestle me to the floor and offer me three wishes. and i will fold and go glass-eyed. i will be blind and demure.
and it will leave again, and it will hurt. neither of us will be sorry.
i adore love. i adore what it has given me poetically. i like the idea of it running amok in the streets after . i don't mind the fiascos it has gotten me into. i appreciate it. i am amused by it. it is pretty to look at. i don't need it.
but i don't speak about love. it still stings my tongue, and i respect that.
i let it be.